Never I expected, the way they hug and kisses were just exactly like how we did. I cant deny, that i cried.

Watched Dear John, not for the sake of watching. But i watched it cause i miss you, seriously.

The scene where John have to go back to camp, and Savannah sent him to the airport, i cried.

I cant deny, and im not lying, the memories 16 June 2009, where we get to hug each other less than 20 sec, and you're off to parade.

Watching Dear John, i cant help it to stop crying. I miss those hugs and kisses.

The right movie for us to watched. I wishing that we watch it together but oh well...

I wanna watched it again! Yes, again. Im not obsessed with it.

But when i watched it, thats the only way i get to feel that hugs and kisses thru imaginary and memories.

That day, on my birthday. I cant deny, you are the 1st boyfriend who celebrated my birthday.

How pathetic my life is in the past, having boyfriends(ex) wasnt there on my birthday.

But you're the one who make it special, im speechless.

I don't asked for much with all my boyfriends(ex), just celebrate my birthday every year.

The day i turn 1 year older every year.

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Everything happened for a reason.

I can't deny that i can't stop missing you, loving you, care for you, worrying for you.

Typing all these down with tears flowing down.

It's took me 9 months to fall in love with you, you waited for me.

What else can i asked for? I just need you to love me even more.

Day by day killed me bits by bits.

Moving on without you is so hard. Cause my love is so strong that its doesnt wanna get it out from me, my heart & soul.

Maybe its pointless to type this down, if you were to read it.

Only allah knows, how much i need you here, sees how much tears have i cried for you.

The world polluted my mind, with alots of things.

But to no avail, my love is still here. HOW?

I admit it, I scared going thru new relationship with new person.

I rather going it thru with you. All shits happened beyond our control.

I believe fate written it all. Like you said, we've went thru up and down together.

I cant deny that, but everything happened for a reason. Nobody, neither me or you wants this to happened this way.

I dont wish this as the ending of my story.

Everynight without failed, I pray to allah.

"i want you to be my last and i don’t want you to be my past. Baby no doubt, in a matter of fact i wanna be your future bernafas dalam ikatan suci. Everything is gonna be alright, trust me cause i’m giving you my life, how do i get you to understand all i want is you to be my man"

Lead you to the right path, is what i need to do.

This scene remind me that time, when we still new, dating with each other. I just been foolish of leaving you.

I see you cried, its break my heart.

I aint want to see you cry again. :'(

As some people can seee, we're no more belong to each other now. It's been almost 3 weeks already.

I gotta be strong to faced all these challenges. I dont blame you, i dont blame anyone, and i dont blame fate.

Cause' its already written in our story, our life. How hard things seeem, we gotta get out from that painful moment bravely.

Yeah! Life's kinda shitty this year. Me & Janny, we'd the same problem. We can just listened to each other sorrow.

This time round we cant really help each other. Things are just tooo complicated for us.

Like people said, girls are weird creatures. People said, you're worth to be with somebody else,

It's easier to said than done.

Yes, I am the one who asked for it. Nobody can understand how i feel.

No matter how many times you discriminate me, I still kept you in that small corner of my heart for you.

Only time can give me the answer that i want. I need to move on, seriously.

But you holding on to the other half of my soul & heart, If not intend to keep it, just return it back in one piece.

No point we hurting each other, we hating each other, we make each other suffered. Then it's not loved.

Only time can tell you what true and sincerely i'd love you.

If i were given a time and chance to said something.

"I dont wanna fight with you.
I wanna make things right with you.
So before the night is through. Can we talk.
You know you mean so much to me.
Baby you’re my everything.
I think about you constantly.
You’re all I want
We been arguing and we been fighting for awhile
Our love is dying and it’s breaking my heart
To watch our world tear apart.
But baby no more.
I don’t wanna fuss and fight.
I just wanna make things right.
I thought about it and no matter who’s wrong. I apologize.
You know I can be stubborn sometime
But it ain’t worth to see you cry.
I finally realize that I love you more than my pride.
I dont wanna fight with you no more"

Maybe sometimes my words are way too harsh, but its doesnt come from my heart.

If its does, till now, we're enemy.

I just wanna stop thinking of you. I dont wanna think about you.

But love just wont let me do it.

Why did u came to my life? cause its fate bring us together.

Why i love you? Cause fate written everything.

why cant i hate you? cause fate make me fall in love with you at the first place.

About the old post in this onsugar, gonna let it be here for the time being.

Taaaaaaa - daaaaaaa! That's the G-Shock watch i've bought for boyfriend. Picture above is the day we spent time together.

During his 21st birthday & our 1 year anniversary. :)

We're like so dammmn happpppy on that day like nobody caresss. Hope its will be a memorable one.

Recently, we had small arguments, that really bring me down. Seriously, its making me giving up.

But thanks for that video call we had, make me feeeel much better.

I was super duper stress with my family, my life plus r/s giving me more stress. that's why i feel like giving up.

Im sorrry for what i've done to youuu.

I miss my - msn - bestfriend, he hasnt been online for months. I wonder where is he. we used to shared our love story together. :(

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2009 ends tomorrow. What's your new year resolution? tag me at my tagboard :))

I am still thinking about my new year resolution. :((

"Im in need of motivation & encouragement to move on, i dont wanna stop half way of what i've already done,

i still wanna go to polytechnics to study, but sometime i feel i dont wanna pursue that dreams anymore. Haissssh. :( "

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Recently, I helped out with shirin video shoot for 2PM korean video competition thingy.

The cooolest thang now is, sebbie shooot using Canon EOS 500D with fish eye lens, prime lens. OMG!

PLUSS with the editing, turned out awesomeeeee. in the video u might not seeen the efffects.

But i've seen the raw foootages. (Y)

OMG!! I really eye-ing that 500D!!

Today is Hari Raya Haji(AidilAdha), went over to Bby's crib to celebrate nenek & mirul(that lil's boy in blue) birthday. They bought the cake from secret recipe, due to sore throat & flu i didnt really enjoy the cake, the cake damn delicious lahh, But i cant eat something sweeeet. :( But i so stubborn, still had lollipop before having the cake. HAHAHA. Today i kinda shy, Of course!. His mum invited me over to their place for the celebration, and bby aunt's & uncle's & in - laws came over to their place tooo. Omg!?! But i already met some of them lahh. I've met them at hospital previously, when nenek was admitted to hospital. Hmmmm, Bby's mum side, all her sibling, mostly their children is boy, Only few girls in their family. One of them is bby sister; andina herisha. -.- They been waiting for someone to give birth to a girl actually. HAHAHA. Kecooh!  & Aunty Marisa sent a comment at facebook.

Marisa Sanusi - Honestly speakin<nt bcos he's my nephew>..U lucky to meet Andin..He's a nice&helpful boy.U oso nice gerl..Aunty pray dat Insyallah u both cn overcome watever circumstances ahead u n last long:)

(Im not been boastful or been so proud, but im just wanna share my happy moment with the readers. Never in my life, anyone from his side, give us their blessing)

Thru out that 3 exe's of mine ++ those fling moments, no one ever said that to me. But Aunty Marisa was the first lady from bby side said those line to me. Hope, its last forever. <3 Its does give me some strength to move on. Thank you Aunty Marisa :)

Yesterday, is 26th November 2009. So its marked our 20months(1year & 8 months) together. :) I really hope that he will be the only guy i will be with. I dont wish to get heartbroken again. Its really pained. Dont wish the history to repeat itself again. No matter how un-romantic you are, no matter how clumsy you are, im just have one request, dont break my heart.     

This picture was taken last sunday, in 168 otw to send bby back to camp :( It's been a while since we last took photos together. Gotta take alot of photos sooon! Bby going to POP in abt 1 week & 2 days! & after few days its our 1 year anniversary + Baby 21st Birthday! Can wait to star gazing together. :)) 

Been busy with working & schooling to update my blog. & Finally there's someone tag my blog asked me to update. HAHAHA.  So far, this few week, I've pushing myself toooo hard. Not to interfere with the world. Been killing time in school & work. I've already move on, an a lil' change make me feel better, release me from depressed. I think its the best way for me, if its continue, sooon i will live with nothing. You know i need friends surround me, to make me happy, but its been month we were far apart, even there's update on gathering, you were the planner, no update were sent to me.

; You can only be a true friend when you learn that friends are people and people have faults.

We're human being, human being do make mistakes, till now i still wondering, what is the biggest mistake i've ever done to you, that our friendship were like this?! Or shud i just simply take it that it is our fate not to be a good friend now & forever. :/

Give it a thought, Have you ever thought, that you didnt realised you've hurt your friends feeling unknowingly, but she/he is still there for you. She/he always think of you, she/he always care for your feeling, and she/he didnt even wanna hurt your feeling at all, just bcos she/he treasure the friendship. But when come to her/his mistake, you took it as if the whole world gonna end.

Bby<3 going to POP soooon, on this 9th December. & on the 16th December, Bby turning 21st & our 1 year anniversary :))  On the day bby POP i cant accompany him cause im schoooling, the last week of school. And they only given 2 ticket max to attend on that day. so most probably i cant even get to go in. :(

I've already planned my budget & what gift to give to my bf. Since its our 1 year anniversary, i insisted him to do something special for us. AHAHAH. Im so bad right. LOL. I've been working the whole 2 week just to get that amount of salary. -.-

Kinda tired lahh, been shifting from schoool to work. From early 6am till late midnight. :( So super duper tired that, i'll always got angry. :( But in schoool, i've my happy pills! :DDD Thanks to Bainah, Alfan fanz, Hoooda, LollyDolly, Farid claus, Dann Jalapino and some other of IT1A. Been cracking jokes and chilling at J.CO Donut with me. Im feeling better when im in schoool. cos there will be 1001 jokes they have.

Once i've got my pay, gonnna shops for clothes now! been suffering for months! Its time for me to distressssed! HUHU. & Sorry Janny for been cancelling our chilling out session, Been busy with works! Soooon we go interview jobs together k. <3<3<3